And, challenges, too. Have you figured out who will wake up to feed the baby in the middle of the night? Who will take off work when s/he is sick? Have you factored in quality time for the two of you — not you and the baby, but Mom and Dad?

You are the role models for your children. You teach by your example. You set the standard for what’s “normal” in his/her world. What will your family’s standard be for conflict resolution? For loving? For discipline?

Unfortunately, there’s no required course to help us learn how to be the best we can be as parents. If you need a sounding board to help figure these things out, give me a call at 404.518.0828 to set up an appointment. And, congratulations on your new life journey.

The opportunities for growth are guaranteed, as is all the spiritual help we need to handle any situation the day offers.

If today offers us a challenge, we can be greateful.

Our challenges are gifts.

They mean we are ready to move ahead to new awarenesses, to a new sense of our personhood.

Challenges force us to think creatively; they force us to turn to others; they demand that we change.

Without challenges, we’d stagnate, enjoying life little, offering life nothing.

We each are making a special contribution, one that only we can make, each time we confront a new situation with courage, each time we dare to open a new door.

What we need to do today is to close the door on yesterday.

Then, we can stand ready and willing to go forward.

(Author unknown)

1. When your loved one is making an “unreasonable” demand, to avoid being defensive and responding in anger, think of it as a “poorly-worded request.” They are doing the best that they know how to ask for what they want.

2. Find a time when you both have the emotional reserves to be able to talk about their request — neither of you is too hungry, tired or stressed from the day.

3. Take a deep breath, relax, and focus all of your attention on listening to your loved one. Don’t try to strategize how to win the argument in your head. Just listen.

4. Let them know that you heard what they said — “Let me see if I understand what you want. You want $200 a week to spend however you want.  Right?”

5. Get curious. Put yourself in their shoes. Remember, it’s a poorly-worded request.

6. Brainstorm possible solutions and try to agree on one.

7. Set a reasonable deadline to accomplish the request.

If your loved one begins to threaten you, either verbally or physically, call a time out. When you have both calmed down, try to discuss the request again. Don’t let their abusive actions make you give in to a solution that you are unwilling to carry out. If you find yourself getting stuck in the same argument, call me at 404.518.0828 to set up a time for a consultation.

When you decide to get sober, a sponsor can help you by guiding you through the 12 steps and being available to you when you feel an urge to drink. When picking a sponsor, look for someone who has been in the Program long enough to have worked through the 12 steps and feels confidant in guiding you through the study.

It is recommended that you attend 90 meetings in 90 days — one each day — to help you change the habit of drinking for the habit of sobriety.

One way that you will benefit from the support of the group is through the recognition you get from the “chip system.” The first chip is the “Surrender” chip. You get one when you are ready to stop drinking. As you have more and more days of sobriety, you will get additional chips for 30 days, 60 days, etc. There is usually a big celebration at the year markers with a special speaker and treats. AA can feel like a “chosen family” after awhile.

To read more about Alcoholics Anonymous, go to www.aa.org.

For meetings in Atlanta, go to www.atlantaaa.org.

For Al-Anon meetings for friends and family members of problem drinkers go to www.al-anon.alateen.org.

1. Determine if the information is private or secret.

2. Figure out whether you’d be telling a good confidant.

3. Think about whether he or she is likely to discover the secret.

4. Determine whether your secret is troubling you.

To read her blog, go to http://psychologytoday.com/node/47368.

When you choose to tell your children that a divorce is going to happen, use a calm, accepting tone, showing them that you have adjusted to the fact that the divorce is imminent. Postpone telling them until it is for certain to avoid giving the children false hope that their parent might come back. Avoid putting your children in an ackward position by blaming the parent who left. Explain to them that s/he will still see their Dad/Mom and will still love him/her.

A great book for young children that I recommend to couples who are in divorce mediation with me is The Dinousaurs Divorce. It tells the story of a family that goes through a divorce in a healthy way, creating two nurturing families to raise their children. And, for parents, The Good Divorce guides parents in creating a Binuclear Family to serve the best interests of their children. For more info about both books, go to my “On my Bookshelf” page under “Relationships.”

1. Be alert. Walk confidantly without doing anything else like talking on your cell phone or rummaging through your purse.

2. Put up a fight. Shout. Spray with pepper spray. Most rapists will figure it’s too much trouble.

3. If you’re grabbed around the waist, pinch them HARD under the arm between the armpit and elbow, then, punch the groin.

4. If he holds his hand up coming toward your face, grab his first two fingers and bend them backward.

5. If you see any odd behavior, trust your instincts. It’s better to look silly by shouting at someone than getting raped.

6. Try to have someone with you when you go out walking.

7. Keep your car locked when driving.

8. Don’t pick up hitchhikers or standed motorists. Report them to the police.

9. When leaving your car, lock it.

10. Keep doors and windows in your home locked. Don’t allow strangers to come in.

11. Don’t advertise on social media or dating sites that you live alone.

12. Vary your habits.

13. When you move to a new place, have the locks changed.

14. Use an entrance light at your door.

15. Check identification of salespersons or service persons who come to your door.

16. Know your neighbors and report strangers to the police.

17. Develop a neighborhood watch program.

18. Don’t enter your home if you come home, and the door is ajar. Call the police and wait in a safe place.

19. When giving directions to someone in a car, stand a safe distance away.

20. If someone is following you when you are walking, go into a store or neighbor’s house.

21. Always park in a well-lit spot.

22. Make sure your keys are in your hand when you go to your car.

23. Check around and under your car as you approach it.

24. Take a self-defense course.

IF YOUR ARE ASSAULTED:

Your body is the evidence. Don’t bathe, douche or change your clothes. Go to the nearest emergency room and have evidence taken. Report the crime to the police. And remember, it is NOT your fault when you are the vicitm of the crime of rape. For more information, check out the Rape, Assault and Incest National Network (RAINN) at www.rainn.org or call their national hotline at 800.656.4673.

Premarital Counseling is helpful if:
1) one partner is commitment phobic;
2) there are unresolved disagreements (money, parenting, household responsibilities, work, sex);
3) either or both partners were married before;
4) either partner has difficulties handling conflict; and/or
5) either partner has a history of childhood abuse and/or domestic violence.
In some states, Premarital Counseling is also a requirement for people under 18 years old.

Once a couple has an assessment, several areas of conflict may be obvious.
1) Do you want children?
2) What religion will we practice?
3) Is there a history of alcohol or drug abuse in either family or either partner?
4) How does a history of witnessing or experiencing physical and/or sexual abuse effect intimacy?
5) Has either partner been diagnosed with a psychiatric disorder?
6) Are there spending problems?
Once areas of conflict are identified, we work together to develop a realistic concept of marriage, troubleshoot problems, and increase the likelihood of avoiding divorce. Do you recognize areas where you could use some help? If so, call me at 404.518.0828 to set up an appointment.